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I probably should have waited to write that last post. Because of jinxing stuff, you know. Don’t get me wrong, Simon is still fine, but he is also still in the NICU. Let’s just say some doctors are better at explaining stuff than others and the doctor who was in the NICU on Tuesday told us that his CRP had gone down. He didn’t mention that regardless of what happened with it, he would have to be in the hospital on antibiotics for at least 7 full days. Meaning the earliest he can come home is THIS Tuesday morning. Like, the day after tomorrow. When did I actually find that out? Today. After the third doctor of the week spoke to us. She was lovely, did not have an incredibly-difficult-to-understand accent (both of the other doctors did), did not act like we were putting her out by asking questions about our SICK NEWBORN BABY for crying out loud (only one of the other doctors was like that but it was difficult to refrain from scratching his eyes out) and explained everything that is happening with little dude. I’ll spare you the details and just say that he will be here until Tuesday or Wednesday. And I have been pumping milk and driving back and forth (30 minutes each way) to the hospital to drop off milk and to breastfeed and spend time with baby #2 while husband takes care of baby #1. So I feel guilty about being away from the two of them (especially because Louisa already spent 2 months away from me and now prefers my husband to me which breaks my heart) but when I’m at home I feel guilty that Simon is being cared for by nurses, I’m tired as all get out from all the driving and from waking up in the middle of the night to pump so that my milk doesn’t dwindle, I’m stressed (welcome back, diarrhea!), I’m worried about both kids, I have post-pregnancy hormones that make it desperately difficult to be away from my newborn, and to top it off my husband’s work is suddenly giving him shit about taking time off. Oh, not to mention, I’m still recovering from labor and childbirth. So yeah. There have been a few crying jags at home and in hospital bathrooms this week. I had two today alone. Can someone please stop the insanity of this year? Can someone please guarantee that once Simon gets home this fucking nightmare will be over and we can get some peace? Please?

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