Today is the first day of a better week than last week. I keep telling myself that over and over again, but I still don’t think I believe it. Saturday night Jason had his first gig with the rock cover band, so my brother Andy and I went. It had all the makings of a fun activity,  but I was all moody and self-conscious and didn’t want to be in public. What else is new, right? It’s almost impossible for me to have fun anymore. I just wanted to be home pouting and feeling sorry for myself, so that’s what I did yesterday. I sat on the couch and read all day, I started and finished an entire book. I did laundry too, but that was just so that I could say I accomplished something, mostly it was all about the wallowing. So I woke up today and decided I can’t do it anymore. No more wallowing! No more being miserable and tired, no more self loathing, no more. I do not have to live this way, and I don’t want to anymore. I have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday afternoon, I’ll probably be back on the crazy pills by next week.

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