Sure, it’s only 12:30am on a Saturday night, lots of people stay up that late, right? I don’t. I’m usually in bed by 8pm – YES EVEN ON THE WEEKENDS. By 9:30 the light is out and hopefully so am I. So what gives? It might be the caffeine. Honestly. It’s a fucked up drug, don’t let anybody tell you any different. I’ve mostly stopped drinking it to prepare for pregnancy, but I thought “hey, what could it hurt?” and drank a coke. Five hours later I’m lying in bed, exhausted, trying to sleep but instead panicking about anything and everything – the fact that I could be pregnant – what the fuck was I thinking bringing a baby into this mess that I call a life? I can barely take care of myself! The fact that I had fast food for dinner – what the fuck was I thinking? I’m so unhealthy and fat and it’s only going to get worse and I can’t be like this if I’m going to be a parent which led back to panicking about possible pregnancy. Yes, let it be noted, I want a baby and have been planning a pregnancy for a few months now, but when insomnia strikes all rationality dives out the window. Then somebody texted Jason at 11pm and I flipped out a little. Who the fuck texts somebody at 11pm? He was all like “what, it’s Saturday night” – honestly? HONESTLY? I would never text anybody I know that late, and if somebody texted me at 11pm and it didn’t say YOUR FATHER IS IN THE HOSPITAL COME QUICK I’d probably send an expletive laden missive back to them at 3:30 in the morning. Sorry. I’m a little angry. And hopped up on coke. And totally freaking out about the fact that Japan is in ruins and leaking nuclear shit all over the place and we just dropped bombs on Libya. Another war? Really? Note to self: don’t get on the internets in the middle of the night when you’re not sleeping due to a caffeine induced panic attack. Note to self: don’t drink caffeine.

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