How do you cry? Quietly? Loud sobs? In secret? Do you pull ugly faces and get snotty? I don’t. Cry that is. At least, not very often. I’m that person who lets all kinds of shit build up inside, creating a gigantic, molten, lava pit of anger, frustration and sadness that eventually erupts. Then and only then do I cry. And boy do I. All that shit built up inside there? It makes for a scene folks. River after river of tears, hiccupy sobs, snot all over the place, it’s really not pretty. And once I start it’s hard to stop. Even after the ugly part is over sometimes tears just keep silently streaming long after whatever got me started has passed. That’s what’s happening right now. Just thought I’d share. Stress on top of stress, plus stress, with a  side of stress, carry the stress finally wore me down and I screamed a lot. And cried. Do I feel better?  A little. Am I going to use food as a drug? Probably. Is this going to pass and eventually get better? I hope so.

What do I stress about? Money. What are most people stressed about? Money. Why is it always money? Why does money rule the fucking world?  And how do we make it stop?  I think I could get behind a good barter system. Maybe a hunter gatherer society, because let’s be honest, women get the good job in that world. Would you rather try to stab a vicious beast with a tiny, pointy stick while he tried to kill you, or wander around gathering nuts, berries and plants, chatting with the other women folk and looking after the babies? I think we all know the answer to that question. Sign me up. But seriously folks, capitalism? I’m not sure it’s all it’s cracked up to be (whoops – just made another government watch list. Call the FBI! She’s a communist!).

Back to the real world, I never wanted to be a TGIF person, but MAN I’M GLAD ITS FRIDAY. If I had to wake up and go to work tomorrow, I might just drive off a bridge on the way, and trust me there are plenty of those around here. My long lost brother is going to be here in the morning and I’m getting pretty excited about the weekend plans. He and I used to be besties. Adulthood, significant others, the army and living far apart have taken their toll on our relationship, but we still get along and it’s always fun when all four siblings are together. Well, it’s fun for us, not sure about everybody else. Watch out Portland, here we come.

 

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