I forced myself to get out of bed and write at 5 this morning, even though it was frigid in our apartment and all I wanted to do was snuggle back into my flannel cocoon with The Husband. I was really glad I did as some quality stuff came out of my pen along with all of the garbage. Writing is lately feeling very much like unloading my burdens. I wake up, take a piss and stumble into the kitchen and start scribbling before I’m even awake and everything that’s rattling around up there comes spilling out. I’m thinking it’s my therapy. Which is nice, because I don’t want to do real therapy right now.
I went without caffeine for the fourth day in a row and I gotta say, the horror stories are all hype. Really. I started dabbling in coffee at the tender age of twelve, and have been a professional drinker since high school. I only got headaches for two days and now I feel fine. I actually have more energy than I did when I was guzzling a few cups a day. So, whatevs, coffee quitting doomsdayists, it ain’t no thing. Except I miss the taste, and having a hot drink in the morning. I might have to find a cheap, little coffee maker and start brewing myself some decaf. I’ll bet you’re wondering why I’m quitting caffeine. Or not. Too bad because I’m going to tell you anyway. Along with The Depression (oh Jesus, here she goes again) I sometimes get a touch of The Anxiety. And I think the caffeine was contributing. I mean, it ain’t known for its calming and soothing effects right? So, ta ta heart palpitations and hand wringing.
I considered going on a diet at least thirty times and each time managed to convince myself not to. How much time do I waste thinking about this shit? If I could rewind the earth (you know, like Superman) and gather up each minute that I’ve wasted obsessing about my weight or food or dieting and use it for something else I totally would. So somehow I’ve got to make myself stop thinking about it so I don’t keep wasting all of this time. For the love of all that is holy! Enough already! Yeah yeah. Exercise, eat healthy – I know the drill. The whole diet/not diet cycle is somewhat of a compulsion with me – and yes, My Very Good Friend who sometimes reads this blog, I am reading that book you sent me!
There is a Papa Murphy’s pizza joint just down the street from our house. Tonight as I drove past on my way home from work there was a kid outside holding a sign to advertise the pizzas. You know the sign holders, they stand there blandly waving the sign back and forth with a bored look on their face while listening to their iPods and secretly texting or talking on their cell phone. Not this kid. He was dancing with his pizza sign. Totally grooving with his pizza sign. Cutting the rug with his pizza sign. Shaking his groove thing with his pizza sign. Like, what up? Yeah I’m waving this sign for a living, but I love it! He was a pretty good dancer too. We should all have that much enthusiasm for our work. Maybe tomorrow I’ll dance at my desk a lot. Okay, probably not. But that dude was awesome. Rock on, pizza man!
The Husband is recording tonight with one of his bands, so I ate a crappy Lean Pocket for dinner and am sitting here racking my brain for anything of import to discuss with you. Then I’ll probably eff around on the internet until it’s time to go pick him up. Booooring. You’re boring everyone! Quit boring everyone! Perhaps I need to start doing more things so I can write about more things. All I ever do is go to work and I can’t really write about that. Until then kiddies, you’re stuck with my depression updates, self deprecating comments and body image issues. Sorry about it. Maybe I’ll just start making shit up.